8.20.2008

Surprise surprise!


Hiyah!  A lot of you have probably wondered where I've been.  The person you can rely on to post every other day because I have nothing better to do has gone MIA.  Well lately I have not been feeling up to posting or even blogging all together.  Read on readers if you want a story.

July 28th I couldn't take it much longer.  I was two weeks late for my period.  The month before I was a week and a half late when I finally spent the money to get a pregnancy test.  Both test taken a day apart were negative.  I really wish I would've saved a test.  They are just annoyingly expensive to me.  All of this was going through my head when we passed it.  A huge UGLY sign in Kanehoe that announced a Free Pregnancy and Counseling Clinic.  Hahahaha!  Kurt and I HAD to do it not because it was free but because it was too funny of a situation to pass up.  It looked like a place a pregnant teen would go if they didn't want their parents to know.  We thought it would be kinda funny if I played it that way.  So I go in and Kurt stays in the car with the kids.  I walked through the doors and thought this isn't as ghetto as the sign made out to be, it looks okay.  Then I noticed the crosses and signs with a  scripture quoted on it.  The thing I missed as I walked in was the little fish symbol for Christ in the corner of the sign.  Hahahaha!  It made it that much better.  So I go and sign in and the nurse immediately tells me that you have to make a $5 donation to cover all the costs as she pushes a clear donation box at me.  I almost laughed and turned around but I gave them $5 in quarters.  The nurse then led me to a room that I thought would be like a doctors office but the other thing I missed was that it was a counseling center too.  So instead of a patient bed there was a couch.  Okay whatever that's kinda cool.  I knew she wasn't a doctor and I wasn't going to be checked but still a couch was to get comfortable and I just wanted to take the test and go.  But I sit down and she starts asking me questions.  So I am supposed to be comfortable.  I give her all the personals and then she goes more personal.  She asked how many partners my husband and I have had and I said just each other and then she asked if I have ever taken and STD test.  No I wouldn't need to.  By the look on her face she was going to give it to me.  She started shaking her head and was about to tell me how you can never trust your husband then my mind started working.  Wait!  I have two kids.  Don't they give you an STD test at your first prenatal visit?  My pregnant teen cover was blown but it was better to tell than to have to hear her lecture.  She relaxed but she wasn't through yet.  Her next question was, "Do you have a relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ?"  umm... yes...  "Well let me tell you about my experience finding a relationship with him.  The next 45 min she told me her life story.  Now I really wished I wouldn't have come.  It just was not worth it.  I started to write what she had said to me but Kurt and I concluded that it wasn't good for the soul.  Let me just say that as she was bearing her testimony to me it strengthened mine and my choice to be a member of this church.  Every trial she told me about would've been prevented if she lived like us.  I wanted to bear her my testimony but it didn't feel right.  And how she gained a testimony through her experiences I have NO idea.  So finally after my spirit took a couple of hits she finally said it was time for the test.  I went in the bathroom, peed in a cup and she gave me stick to stick in it.  Then we went back in the dreaded counseling room.  This time when we sat down she asked if I wanted to see her babies.  Hmm... her kids?  Nope.  She whipped out this velvet box and opened it to reveal babies to scale of size and weight at 6 weeks 7 weeks all the way to 12 weeks.  That one she wanted me to hold.  That was it.  If she asked me to do one more freakish thing I was gone!  I'll hold your scary baby but if there was anything else I had to do to just find out if I was pregnant I would take my $5 donation back and leave.  I held the baby, gave it a little shake because it was rubbery and handed it back.  Last question she asked before we found out,"If you find out the test is positive what are you planning on doing with the baby?"  Now my slow mind went through a thousand answers at once, name it, feed it, hold it, I could've used a twix right then but then I caught on.  Keep it?  Right answer.  She held up the test, I signed a paper and I finally was released.  So for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, because I am apparently an open book, I'm pregnant!  

Now to answer questions that you may or may not be thinking.  It was NOT planned.  I actually got back to the car and bawled.  One of my biggest fears was to have three kids three and under.  If you could personally handle three kids three and under more power to you.  Get them done and over with, but for me...I never mentally thought I personally could handle it.  I wanted to have the next one in October 2010.  Call me bad, call me evil, but I cried for a couple of days after.  We're supposed to be leaving for Korea in the near future.  I do NOT want to have a baby there!!  I googled a ton about having a baby in Korea and the c-section rate is 40%!!  So now I'm terrified.  Through my self pity I got to thinking why would Heavenly Father give me a baby that was not planned on, when there are too many women who are having a hard time getting or keeping a pregnancy?  The only thing I could think of was that this pregnancy was not only not planned but I really shouldn't have gotten pregnant.  So... even though having a baby may not have been on our agenda it was on the Lords agenda.  At least that's what I've been telling myself.  So why have I been so MIA?  I feel like CRAP!  All I want to do is lay on the couch.  This is the worst morning sickness I've had.  I don't throw up but that doesn't mean that it's not as bad as if I did.  My poor mom and husband have been waiting on me hand and foot.  They have been SO good to me.  I can't eat the same thing twice, I can't make my own food because the smell of everything makes me dry heave, but I need to eat every other hour.  So they name things off and will make late night runs to get me what sounds good at that time.  My poor kids are SO neglected by me.  If Kurt has to go anywhere the kids will sit in front of the tv till somebody comes home and takes care of them.  So this post has taken over a week to write because I only come on the computer when I feel somewhat okay.  Then to tack on more to my pathetic body I woke up Saturday morning with a crick in my neck.  I have to turn my whole torso to look to my right and a sharp pain hits when I move my head a quarter inch towards my shoulder.  I'm going in for a massage tonight and I'm praying it helps because I feel bad when I have the 'just kill me now' feeling.  Moving on I should be due March 22nd but my kids are always small to start off with and the first ultra showed I should be due April 1.  On Friday my Dr. will make the final decision for my due date.  With the baby due then Brody and baby will be two years apart and Drew will be turning four in July.  We've concluded to have one more soon after this one and be done!  I was praying I was having twins with this pregnancy so I wouldn't have to go through the morning sickness again, but I have no luck.  It's okay though.  If I calculate correctly my kids will be out of the house by the time I'm 45.  That sounds good to me.

ps i'm happy, just feel like crap

17 comments:

In.A.Nutshell said...

i miss you. do you feel up to having a visitor (or three, as it may be) ??

and i've never really listened to fiona apple before and you via your blog might have just started a beautiful relationship. is 'extraordinary machine' characteristic of her music in general?

call/text me asap friend. :)

iMaLLheaRt said...

Wow, what an experience! I really hope you feel better! It doesn't sound fun at all! If you ever need anything, let us know! Hope everything is turns out good!! Take care of yourself!!

Nate, Kim, Lili and Baby Nate said...

oh my gosh that is my biggest fear about having the 3rd. Poor girl. I hope the sickness goes away soon. How far away are you? If you ever need someone to watch the kids for a bit I could...we'd just have to figure out the distance thing. I bet Nate would love to play with Brody. Funny story about the free pregnancy place, I did something similiar when we found out about Nate only I didn't have to give a mandatory donation!!! I really hope you feel better soon!

Stewart Family said...

I love that you went to that pregnancy place. I have seen that before. What a strange experience!

Sorry that you have been so sick. That totally sucks. I hope that things get better sooner then later. I must be nice to be with your family, so that there are more people to help with the kids.

I am glad that baby is possibly due on my birthday ;o) I wouldn't mind sharing with a cute little Reynolds baby!

Good luck with having the baby in Korea. Hopefully it will be okay. Be strong about what you feel. When Zena had her baby in Japan, Abe just made sure they did what they wanted, I think the doctors were a little miffed but they did it.

Cari said...

What a crazy experience! I'm sorry that you are feeling so crummy Noelle! I can completely empathize with you though..we have a little one coming early march..and I'm just barely feeling good enough to get on the computer again and eat the same thing again twice ;)

Stewart Family said...

Seana sent me a link to look at a couple of wedding photos. There is one of her hugging Drew. It is beautiful. Looks like it was an awesome wedding. I feel so sad that I missed it. It sucks to live so far away! (Sorry about the gift, I totally spaced the email, because I have so many rental and moving emails, so I am going to mail her something. Thanks for the offer though.)

In.A.Nutshell said...

just noticed how lame-o i was and commented without really commenting ...

i LOVE this story!! and i would say i agree with you and Kurt - a bit harsh on the soul in the full R-rated version. poor woman.

Carrie said...

I knew it, I JUST KNEW IT!!! I predicted your pregnancy ummm, 5 blog posts back to be exact! I'm so sorry you feel so sick---I can actually say I know EXACTLY how you feel, and I feel for you. Try forcing yourself to eat something little at least every hour, even though I'm sure you will have absolutely no appetite and the thought of having to put anything in your body makes you gag...it helps a little for me at least.
Hope you feel better soon!

Melissa said...

I didn't know you posted!! I've been wondering what happened to you...but I knew you were probably not feeling so awesome right now. Let us (tva woman)know if you need anything--we will be happy to help.
sorry about your sickness, hope it's over soon.

Patrick and Crystal said...

Congratulations!! I'm so sorry you feel so sick! I was that way too... every smell made me dry heave and I couldn't even go in the kitchen or near the trash. Having the baby in a foreign land is scary, but you can do it if you want to! I read all kinds of nutty things about having a baby in Japan and most of it never happened to me. I think they make allowances for foreigners anyway. Let me know if you guys are still going and we can talk about it. Hugs!

lyle and julia said...

you are the best story teller!!! I am so sorry about your morning sickness!!!! It sounds like exactly what I had...no one gives you credit when you don't throw up but at times I would have given anything to throw up to have the gross feeling go away :) Good luck and let me know if you need anything!!!

Keiko said...

I had NO IDEA! I guess I'm getting not so sensitive these days. When you think about it, all the signs were there!!! Well, I totally understand the part fear to have #3. I have a biggest fear to have #3 EVEN WITH 6 years old and 4 years old, even without toddlers. (Yes, you can laugh at me.) But all the kids gone by 45 sounds really gooood.
I know 1st trimester is really really hard. I wish you can (No, we all can) skip that part. Think as you are working really really hard by resting really hard:) Kids will learn to be patient:) It's just a preparation for them as well. They have to be patient when the baby arrive. I'm praying for you and your family! By the way, I can't even imagine having the baby in Japan. (You can call me a traitor if you want!) SO same here! I respect Crystal.

Jones Family said...

Noelle, I DON'T know how I missed your post, but I just read it today, and I am so sorry you are not feeling well! I think of you all the time, and was wondering why you weren't blogging???? So us TVA woman have been talking and we want to come take your kids away from you for a day, what do you think? Then we would like to take you away for a day:)

I love you tons and miss you and I am so sorry you aren't feeling well.

IWA said...

Congratulations....... You have the most beautiful babies and I cant wait to see the next... I love reading your blogs... Okay! and thanks for the warning.. I will never walk into a free clinic!

Erin and James said...

YAAAYYYYY congrats! Hillarious about that pregnancy place, because i almost went there once, but I thought i might contract an STD there! ;)
im excited for you guys...one day you will be excited!
hillarious story. funny cause last week i was thinking about you and i thought "i wonder if noelle is pregnant or getting prego soon"
im psychic!

Tane and Angela said...

you know what?! I tried to get a free pregnancy test there in kaneohe and they refused me when i called cus they said i have to be in crisis..i said I AM IN CRISIS i didn't have insurance at the time...i was soo mad, but now that i read your story, i'm not soo mad after all..poor thing...but CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy..good luck with everything!

Widiger Family said...

Noelle, I just read your pregnancy announcement post. It sounded almost familiar to mine, except that I didn't go to that scary pregnancy test place. I agree with you that test are so horribly expensive. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time.
I also cried when I found out that I was pregnant with my 2nd. He was not planned AT ALL and my first was only 6 months old. Moreover, the whole pregnancy we've been moving around so much, it was horrible. Then the baby came, it was difficult most of the time (I'm not one of those Super Moms) and felt very isolated (here in Europe). With this experience, I've been pushing off having #3, I don't feel like I'm ready yet, it's the eternal question for my hubby.
Good luck with this pregnancy! I'll pray for you and your family

 
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